Rebirth of a Star General Chapter 126: Moon (lower)
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He Yan never felt that there would be such a difficult time in his life, so difficult that he could not take one more step forward.
She hasn’t seen the moon for a long time.
From the time of blindness to the present, she lived in a muddle-headed manner. Xu Zhiheng comforted her and would always be by her side. He Yan also smiled and said okay, but no matter how calm she appeared, her heart was dazed but fearful. In her life, she faced many difficulties, most of the time she just stood up with a breath of breath and told herself that it would be fine to cross this step. Before I knew it, when I looked back, I had already crossed many steps.
Only this step, she couldn’t make it, and she didn’t know how to make it.
He Yan, who is no longer General Feihong, is just an ordinary woman. An ordinary woman is suddenly blind. Although her husband still treats her well, it seems like a flower in the water, with a kind of illusory perfunctory. She can’t feel it.
During the Qixi Festival, she sat in the mansion until late at night, and did not wait for Xu Zhiheng to return. I thought it was because something happened in the DPRK, but the next day I found out that Xu Zhiheng accompanied He Wanru to the temple fair the first day. She fumbled and sat down under the window in the house, quietly listening to the gossip of the maid outside.
“The uncle and the wife quarreled yesterday, and the quarrel is known to the lord. The master is in a bad mood. Those of us who are subordinates are unlucky. It is not because of the person in the east courtyard.”
“Let me say, the uncle is too soft-hearted. The man in the east courtyard is now a blind man. How can our big grandmother of the Xu family be a blind man? It doesn’t make people laugh. Madam’s banquet outside these few days The appointments are all pushed, I just don’t want others to ask.”
There is a little maid who can’t see her but speaks for her: “Grandma was not born blind. Suddenly, she is already very pitiful.”
“Poor? What’s so pitiful about her? Even if she is blind, she can stay in the house and be served daily. At least there is no shortage of food and clothing, which is different from that pet. The poor one is the uncle, young Yes, we have to be **** with this blind man for a lifetime. Our uncle has learned Wushuang, what kind of woman can’t find? I want to look for this?”
“Yes! I’m sorry, uncle!”
Such words like those with a sharp hook, pierced her heart every sentence, and she was dripping with blood.
At night, she sat in the house, waiting for Xu Zhiheng to come back, and said to him: “Let’s get together and leave.”
Xu Zhiheng was startled, and asked gently, “How do you say this?”
“Or you can leave me.” She doesn’t like to go around. To be honest, “Now I can’t see it, there is no need to drag you down.”
“You and I are husband and wife,” Xu Zhiheng shook her hand and said: “Stop talking about these, rest earlier.”
He turned the conversation aside, but did not deny He Yan’s term “dragging”.
He Yan’s heart gradually sinks.
Every day after that, she lived every day when she was dressed to open her mouth and stretched out her hand, and she often heard the secret ridicule of the servants in the house. Mrs. Xu was also holding a gun and a stick when talking to her. He Yan dragged down the Xu family from both sides.
Xu Zhiheng still treats her tenderly, but there is nothing else but tenderness.
He Yan felt very tired.
She seemed to be walking on a dark night road with no pedestrians beside her. She couldn’t see the light in front, and there was nowhere to go behind her. She didn’t know when she would come to the end and end this tormenting life.
A few days before the Mid-Autumn Festival, she said to Xu Zhiheng: “I know that the Yuhua Temple on Lianxue Mountain has a fairy tree in the temple, which is very spiritual. During the Mid-Autumn Festival, can we go to the mountainous area? Hang silk to make a wish, maybe my eyes can be cured.”
Since her blindness, she has almost never asked Xu Zhiheng. Xu Zhiheng was taken aback for a moment and finally agreed. He said: “Okay.”
Xu is a person who is stuck in his teeth when drinking cold water. In previous years, the Mid-Autumn Festival was sunny, but this year, it rained for several days. When the carriage walked up the mountain, the sky was so gloomy that it was impossible to go down the mountain that afternoon. Maybe you have to stay on the mountain for one night.
Xu Zhiheng helped her to the ups and downs in the temple. A monk put a piece of red silk into her hand and told her where the fairy tree was behind the temple. He Yan moved the red silk to thank the man.
The monk put his palms together, and said kindly: “If you do not die after a thousand tribulations, you will be rewarded if you meet your destiny.”
She doesn’t understand Buddhist scriptures, and she will ask again later, the other party has already gone far.
It was raining, and Xu Zhiheng accompanied He Yan to the fairy tree.
There are stone tables and stools next to the fairy tree, for the pilgrims who usually hang red silk to write. Xu Zhiheng laid the red silk for her, put the pen in her hand, and said: “Write it.”
He Yan slowly wrote with his feelings: I hope I can still see the moon.
Don’t think about it, but also know that the handwriting must be crooked and horrible.
After writing, she cherished the red silk into Xu Zhiheng’s hands, and Xu Zhiheng hung the fairy tree for her. He Yan couldn’t see anything, so he didn’t see it. Her husband stood up and hung the red silk on a branch beside his elbow. He didn’t even bother to reach out and tie the red silk and just put it up casually. There was no shelter on the tree, but for a while, the red silk was dampened by the rain, and the writing on it quickly became a blur of ink stains, and it was hard to see what was written.
“Let’s go.” Xu Zhiheng came over to help He Yan leave.
With a “bang”, a thin thunder rang out, and then a cool breeze blew, causing the branches to rustle, and the red silk that was not tied was blown off by the wind and smashed into a small pit with water. , Splashed with mud.
He Yan seemed to be aware of it, and asked anxiously: “The wind is so strong, won’t you blow away the silk?”
“Why?” Xu Zhiheng smiled and relieved: “The tie is very tight.” After that, as if he hadn’t seen it, he lifted his foot over the red silk.
……
The rain has no signs of stopping, so I have to stay overnight in the mountains tonight.
Xu Zhiheng went to find the master of Yuhua Temple to discuss the scriptures. It was already evening, and He Yan was sitting quietly in the room with a light on.
At this time, she should have collapsed and rested long ago—a blind man who had nothing to do except sleep and eat. But tonight the rain was sparse, and she couldn’t sleep, and she didn’t know when she called the maid’s name twice, and no one answered, she helped the wall and walked out slowly, planning to call someone.
When I walked to the door, I heard two maids talking.
“I heard the grandma calling someone just now?”
“Is there? Just call it, don’t worry, it’s so late, tell people what to do. I’m already blind and toss, I really think I’m a grandmother.”
He Yan was startled.
These two maids are not her personal maids. They are in Xu Zhiheng’s house. They are the most gentle and graceful in their daily life. Because of Xu Zhiheng’s relationship, they have always treated her respectfully and respectfully, but I don’t know what she is talking about in private.
“If it weren’t for her to go up the mountain today, we wouldn’t have to spend the Mid-Autumn Festival here. It was still raining outside. It was really bad luck. The uncle is so kind, so I don’t feel annoyed with such an oil bottle.”
“It’s not that you don’t know the uncle’s temperament. On the surface, you are not annoyed. There is always a grudge in your heart. Our Xu family is now a joke in the capital. The uncle has always been arrogant and feels very uncomfortable when I want to come. If it was her, she would be hung on a rope to save others.”
“Shhh! This is nonsense!”
The speaking maid disagreed, “Originally, just like an animal, she waits for people to feed every day, sleeps when she is full, and is always served by someone. She can neither leave the house nor see it. It’s boring, it’s okay for a year or two, and it’s going to be like this for the rest of your life. What’s the point of being alive? It’s better to die early and get rid of it, and you can see it if you have a good baby in the next half of your life.”
“Stop talking, there is hot water outside, let’s get some hot water first.”
The sound of footsteps faded away.
He Yan turned his back to the door and slowly sat down.
Yes, one or two years is enough, it will be like this for the rest of your life, what’s the point of being alive?
The maid in the master’s house, the master looks up to someone, and dare not trample anyone. Since the two of them were able to talk about her so casually, they knew that Xu Zhiheng was in the room, not as blameless and regretless as before her eyes.
However, there are a few people in this world who can do no regrets.
He Yan didn’t know if there were any lights in the room. To her, it was all the same darkness. Suddenly, there was a feeling of despair. He practiced martial arts when he was young, entered school when he was young, and later went to the battlefield to fight for military merit, and spent his entire life making wedding dresses for others. Finally took off the mask, thinking that everything could be started from the beginning, but at this time he fell into darkness, and was trapped in a four-corner house for the rest of his life, and he had to take a step to follow.
Human despair does not accumulate overnight. The small things in daily life, the enthusiasm that cannibalize people, the enthusiasm is consumed a little bit, disappointment and heaviness are layered up, and the last straw floats down with a crash, hoping to sink into the water.
Despair is overwhelming.
She fumbled and stood up slowly.
There was a belt left over from the clothes in the room. She picked up the outer garment and put it on, picked up the bamboo pole used when she was blind, and walked out tremblingly.
There are few people in the mountain monastery, and because it is dark and raining outside, the monks have entered the Buddhist hall long ago. She walked indiscriminately, but didn’t hit anyone else.
Thanks to the fact that when a teenager was in the army, he barely developed the habit of having an amazing memory of the journey. She still remembered Xu Zhiheng telling her when she went up the mountain that there was a dense forest in the mountain stream not far from the temple. Suspended waterfalls, such as pearls and jade falling on the plate, are magnificent and beautiful.
There are mountains, water and trees, which is not bad, but unfortunately it rains tonight and there is no moon she likes.
It is always inconvenient for a blind man to go out, especially in the muddy mountain road. She didn’t know how many falls she fell, how many times she tripped over stones. I just felt that my clothes were dripping wet and my hair was scattered. In the end, panting, no longer knowing where he was walking.
She fell down in front of a tree and knocked her head on the trunk. He Yan stretched out his hand and fumbled over. The tree was very big, and it should be an old tree.
The dense forest with waterfalls may not be found, and it will work just here. She had never cared much about foreign objects, and it took a long time before she moved to a rock.
Exhausted, He Yan sat down on the stone.
The rain is a bit smaller, and it hits people densely. The young woman looked up at the sky, as if she could see the moon. Only the rain slid down her cheeks, and she wiped the water off her face.
“Don’t make the river go to the boat, don’t make the river go to the moon.”
“The boat carries people to leave, and the moon shines on people to leave.”
For this world, she has nothing to miss. The only reluctance is that there is no moon tonight.
He Yan stood up slowly and touched the cloth beside her. The cloth was tied tightly. She drew it down, very steady, and it shouldn’t be disconnected.
Kicked the stone away.
……
The cloth twisted into a rope broke.
He Yan was caught off guard and fell to the ground.
The mud all over the floor splashed on her, she was taken aback for a moment, and suddenly understood that the cloth was broken.
It was cut off?
For an instant, she couldn’t restrain the inexplicable grievance and sorrow in her heart, choked for a moment, then sobbed softly, and then she lay down on the ground and burst into tears.
He Yan rarely shed tears.
A general, tearing down is a morale-affecting behavior. On the battlefield, she must always maintain her self-confidence and full of energy, as if no one or anything can affect her judgment. When I am not a general, I feel hypocritical if I want to shed tears.
But people are always fragile, when they are left out, they can stand it when they are blind, when they hear the maid taunting and taunting, they can stand it when they are hinted by their mother-in-law to become an oil bottle .
But if she couldn’t even find death, and even cut the cloth, she couldn’t help it.
The tears are hot, and the big drops follow the mud under the cheeks, making it hard to tell which is rain and tears.
She cried so hard that she suddenly heard an unfamiliar voice.
It’s a man’s voice, in the wind and rain, the voice is low and sweet, with a bit of impatience, asking: “What are you crying for?”
He Yan’s cry stopped abruptly.
Xiao Jue looked at the woman in front of him.
This is a woman seeking death, embarrassed all over her body. Wearing a white shirt, he took a red outer garment. The outer garment even had his belt tied upside down. Perhaps he had fallen a lot on the road, and his clothes had knocked a few holes. Her face is also very dirty, like a cat, with mud everywhere.
Xiao Jue came from Aijie, and only felt that this scene was very dazzling, and finally couldn’t help taking out a white handkerchief and handing it over.
The woman did not answer, and made a defensive posture, asking: “Who are you?”
For a moment of surprise, he noticed that the other person’s eyes drifted away, thinking for a moment, put the veil away, squatted down and asked: “Can’t you see?”
The woman froze for a moment, and replied fiercely: “Yes! I’m a blind man!”
Speaking arrogantly.
Fei Nu stood behind him and was about to step forward, Xiao Jue gently shook his head at him.
He Yan clenched his fist vigilantly.
I just wanted to hang myself quietly. How about now, the cloth was cut off, and the stranger saw the embarrassment. Why does God always treat her so unexpectedly?
Xiao Jue glanced at her faintly, bent down and picked up the flying knife on the ground. Just now, he used this to wipe off the cloth on the tree.
“What do you want to do?” He Yan asked.
Xiao Jue: “Passing by.”
He is really not a good-hearted man who is nosy.
To do this step, I have done my best. Xiao Jue stood up, turned around, and walked a few steps, Fei Slave approached and whispered: “Today, Yuhua Temple has only Hanlin scholar Xu Zhiheng and his wife. This woman should be the blind grandma Xu a few days ago, He Yan.”
He Yan? He raised his eyebrows, He Rufei’s sister?
Xiao Jue turned around to look.
The woman has already fumbled and found the cloth cut in two. The cloth is not long, but it can still be used if it is cut in two. First, she made two gestures on her neck with half of the fabric, and when she was sure it was still usable, she tremblingly tied the knot with the fabric.
She actually wants to hang herself again.
Xiao Jue was a little weird, and then he wanted to laugh a little.
This kind of perseverance is almost stupid, and it is very similar to her cousin.
Most people are looking for death, but it is just a moment of anger. They hang on the lake and jump off the cliff with one breath. When it comes to the moment, most of the people will regret it in their hearts, but it is too late to regret it.
Since this woman has already tasted the taste of dying, she will not seek death again. She did not expect to be so persistent that she will continue if the rope is broken.
He shouldn’t care, no one can stop a person who wants to die.
However, in Xiao Jue’s mind, it suddenly appeared that many years ago, it was also such a Mid-Autumn Festival night, when the young man returned to his home nervously, but what was waiting was the cold corpse of his mother.
The scene before him seemed to overlap with the past, and for a moment, he couldn’t tell if it was today or eve.
Fei Nu was behind, looking at him puzzledly.
Xiao Jue took a deep breath, finally compromised, walked over to the woman and asked: “Why are you looking for death?”
He Yan was taken aback.
She clearly heard the steps of the other person leaving, how could she suddenly turn back? She has been trying to make things better and being manipulated all her life. Now that she has come to her head, she no longer wants to think about others. This person’s meddling has made her unhappy, so she uttered all the anger on the other party.
She almost roared back: “You can control it!”
The young man grabbed her arm and dragged her up from the ground.
He Yan was shocked, struggling twice, but she was stumbling and losing strength, and she couldn’t see it. She was dragged away for a while, walked two steps, was left behind, and sat on the ground.
The ground is soft, a piece of grass.
The man seemed to be standing next to her, bending over to face her, with a cold voice: “Why are you looking for death?”
He Yan also suffocated in his heart, and said loudly: “I told you to take care of it! There is no moon today, so I am looking for death! The road up the mountain is too slippery, so I am looking for death! I have to break the rope when I tie it. , So I am looking for death! I met a nosy person like you here, so I am looking for death! Is it okay!”
She yelled fiercely, but tears rolled down her eyes. She was a fierce tiger, and looked more like a wet wild cat with nowhere to go.
Feinu stood nervously behind Xiao Jue.
It’s very rare that the second son of Xiao Er is willing to take care of this kind of meddling with patience. This woman is still so fierce, even rarer.
After He Yan roared, he suddenly felt something wiped on his face. Soft and dense like clouds torn down by spring.
Indifferent, with a touch of unnoticeable, tolerant warm comfort sounded.
“If you really want to be strong, it doesn’t matter if you are blind. Even if you are blind, you can be the most different among blind people.”
Her anger came to an abrupt end.
All the embarrassment and weakness are invisible, and they are exposed to people.
“Nothing. Although I can’t see it, I can still hear it. It’s okay to have you with me.” She smiled and said to Xu Zhiheng.
How could it be okay?
How could it be okay?
She traced her eyes with her fingers over and over again in the night, praying for God to pity and see the light again the next day. Those tossing and turning nights, the nights that gritted their teeth and told themselves that it was okay, and the nights that pretended to be incapable of dealing with nothing, they didn’t know.
They don’t understand anything.
A passing stranger understands.
Can’t cry, can’t be seen weak, can’t complain, can’t lose temper. It took too long, until these emotions were like silkworms spinning, layer by layer around her into a strong cocoon. She sits alone in the cocoon, cut off from the outside world.
He Yan outside the cocoon is gentle, optimistic, and always smiling and thinking about others. He Yan in the cocoon, suffering, grievance, and suppressing the cry for help.
For so many years, from “He Rufei” to “He Yan”, her mask has never been taken off.
Until tonight, a stranger passing by, saw through everything, took off her mask, and found her tears.
All her defenses and vigilance were instantly discouraged, and she slowly lowered her head, tears falling even more.
I thought that He Yan would not cry anymore after saying this, but she didn’t expect that she would cry more loudly. The rain showed no signs of stopping, and the grass underneath had been drenched by rain.
Xiao Jue hooked his finger, Fei Nu stepped forward, he took the umbrella in Fei Nu’s hand, and put it on He Yan’s head.
He Yan still didn’t stop.
He has never seen such a fierce, bad-tempered, and especially crying woman. It is hard to imagine that He Rufei’s silly and happy temperament would have such a completely different sister.
Xiao Jue was so embarrassed by crying that he couldn’t bear it, and finally he said: “Don’t cry.”
“Why can’t I cry?” If she doesn’t recognize a wild cat, she shows her paws at the feeding person, her voice is already dumb, and she has to argue: “I not only cry, I have to hunt for death, I have already Now, what’s the point of being alive, oooooooo…”
Xiao Jue: “…”
He has never coaxed a woman before, the first time he coaxed a woman was such a result? So oil and salt don’t get in?
“How the **** do you stop crying?” He held back his anger, “so that he won’t hang himself.”
He Yan was sobbing and crying. When she got here, she actually had no intention of seeking death. Sometimes people are just stuck at that juncture. Once it has passed, it has passed. This passer-by came out inexplicably, and that sentence was not much warm, but…
But, she didn’t want to die.
She said: “If you can give me a candy now, I won’t die.”
When she was young, she liked to eat sweet things, but after she was five years old, Mrs. He took care of everything very strictly. For fear of exposure, the habit of being like a girl should be changed. Later, he joined the army, and there were no sweet candies in the army, only crude cakes. After he got married, once He Yan saw He Wanru was sick, Xu Zhiheng went to see her and brought her a small box of candied fruit.
He Wanru took a sip of medicine, and Xu Zhiheng stuffed a candied fruit into her mouth. He Yan saw it when he passed by the window, and for a moment, a sourness rose in his heart. I don’t know if he envied Xu Zhiheng for being so good to He Wan, or he envied him for eating a little bit of bitterness, and he could get a lot of sweetness.
He Yan has never been self-willed, but for some reason tonight, he seems to be trying to maximize his self-willedness on this stranger.
The young man was slightly startled, and turned his head to look at the people around him.
The woman’s face was rubbed indiscriminately by the veil, her cheeks were still muddy, her eyes were slightly red and swollen, but they were surprisingly bright, and her stubborn expression seemed familiar.
It looked like a clumsy teenager.
He was silent for a moment, and his slender fingertips untied the sachet on his waist.
Feinu was surprised.
The dark cyan bag was held in his hand, he pinched the bottom of the bag, and an osmanthus candy wrapped in sugar paper was poured out.
After too long, the sugar paper has been glued to the sugar, and the original appearance cannot be seen in the black. After Mrs. Xiao died, Xiao Jue took the last sweet-scented osmanthus candy with him. These years, this candy has accompanied him through many difficult years. When you can’t hold it, you can taste the sweetness of the world by looking at this candy.
This is the only sweetness in his life. Now, he is going to give it to a woman who is crying and crying for death. He thought, he doesn’t need sugar anymore in his life, so be it.
He Yan felt something stuck in his hand.
She clenched subconsciously and wanted to peel it off.
“Can’t eat.” The man’s voice rang around him.
“What?” She said: “Are you lying to me? Just find a stone and tell me it’s sugar?”
He Yan heard the voice of the other party, with a faint sorrow, “This candy is only the last one in the world. It’s sweet, but you can’t eat it.”
“Are you sick?” He Yan never knew that she was such an impeccable person. She thought that this person must have a good temper and a soft heart, so that she can tolerate her repeated mischief, she Said: “It’s very sweet and can’t be eaten. There is only one in the world. Is this a gift from your majesty?”
She did not see. The handsome young man sitting next to her bowed his head and smiled indifferently, and said: “It is more precious than the gift of God.”
He Yan took advantage of the fact that the other party was not paying attention, and quickly tore open the candy paper and stuffed it into his mouth.
“You…” He was stunned.
“I have eaten it, I swallow it!” He Yan played a rogue.
The other party did not answer.
This is the first candy she has received in her life. The taste of candy is very strange, mixed with her tears, so bitter, she thought, so be it.
“Did the rain stop?” She didn’t feel the rain falling on her body, she reached out her hand and scratched it casually, and asked the people around her.
The young man on his side has been kneeling on one knee, holding an umbrella for her, the umbrella is not big, most of his body is wet, his angular profile, his eyelashes are covered with fine drops of water, his eyes are dazzling There is a layer of gentleness.
“Stopped.”
“Is there a moon in the sky?”
The sky is deep and there is no star, where is the moon?
He replied: “Yes.”
“What…outside…what is it like?”
“The bright moon is like frost, the wind is like water, and the scenery is infinite.”
He Yan showed his first smile tonight, “It’s great.”
She heard the person next to her ask: “Don’t want to die?”
“No more.”
“Go home if you don’t want to die.” He said, pulling He Yan up. He Yan subconsciously wanted to grab his hand, the slender hand with distinct joints was released extremely quickly.
Xiao Jue walked up to Feinu and whispered: “Send someone to the sister-in-law’s room, and let the sister-in-law send back. I am a man, so it is inconvenient to come forward.”
Feinu responded.
When he was about to leave, he suddenly added another sentence: “Warn Xu Zhiheng and tell him not to do too much.”
This means that He Yan is going to come forward.
Fei Nu came over and wanted to help He Yan. He Yan seemed to feel that the other party was leaving, and reached out to the person’s direction. She said, “…Thank you, who are you?”
He didn’t speak, He Yan only had time to grasp the corner of a sleeve and slid past her hand, cold and soft, like moonlight.
Obviously she could not see anything, but she saw the light in a daze, warm and cold, hot and bright, without half blame, patient, tolerant, and seeing through all her secrets at a glance, and then gently wrapped her.
She didn’t know who the other party was in the end.
It was spent by He Yan. The worst Mid-Autumn Festival, covered in mud and unkempt, was only a tiny bit away from the desperate situation. Fortunately, the moon was always by her side.
There was no moon that night, but the moonlight was so beautiful that night, and the thin and soft light has warmed her for many years.